Living with a… Land Rover Defender 130 (Month 4)

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Month 1 – Earning some street cred Month 2 – Too much of a good thing? Month 3 – Beautiful but expensive Month 4 – A tight squeeze

One 5ft 6in working mother, one 6ft 2in partner, four teenage boys aged 12 to 17 and all too tall to mention, and one slightly overweight and arthritic black Labrador. So that’s a lot of shapes and sizes for one family car that needs to get us all to school the shops, football, rugby, hockey, cricket, work, the station, the airport, Kent, Doncaster and Cornwall.

Erin says: “It ticks every box on the Snapchat/Insta hit list of a teenager, it turns out. Which, as far as I can tell, is anything that would look good cruising at 15mph in LA with indecent music making everyone’s ears bleed.”

How much has it cost you?

I can tell this section is going to be dominated every month by the fuel costs. Ouch, ouch, ouch. When you drive an electric car and charge at home on an off-peak tariff overnight, you get used to 400 miles costing you a tenner. Four hundred miles in this car (380 in fact), or one tank to be precise, costs £110. That’s going to take some getting used to. It’s almost nostalgic, harking back 25 years to when I had a job that meant I had to test a lot of supercars, and got through a lot of fuel. I’d forgotten the pain.

Where have you been?

Almost immediately to Gatwick, to drop off five people for their summer holiday, so we’ve already been very thankful for the seven seats this Defender has, thanks to the optional Captain’s Chairs layout, which gives you two seats in the middle row, with a walk way through to three more in the third row. It’s a gorgeous luxury; not only does it make the interior feel very spacious and a privileged place to sit, given the arm rests of those two middle seats and all the leg room for the third-row passengers, but it means no awkward flipping of the middle seats to clamber into the rear. You just climb aboard and walk to the back. Doors to manual and cross check. We’ve also already done some off-roading in it, albeit across grassy parkland to get to a sausage and cider festival (what other sort is there?). It was momentarily thrilling for everyone on board.

What have you been carrying?

The dog, Milo, because this is a car styled for muddy countryside strolls. Weirdly, however, a Defender is not the ideal solution for Milo: the boot is too high up so it’s a struggle for him to leap up, and we have to carry him down otherwise he jolts his arthritic shoulder. Also, with all seats up, the boot is tiny, so you need the third row down, but then he’s not contained in a boot, and skids all over the back of the car, looking non-plussed. He certainly can’t go on the seats because it’s not safe and, more importantly, they’re white.

Delights

Given my job as a motoring journalist for 25 years, my kids have been blessed with being driven about in Rolls-Royces, Ferraris, Bentleys, Lamborghinis and Porsches (also Hyundais, Dacias, Vauxhalls, Fiats, Citroens and everything in between I hasten to add), but nothing has elicited the gasp of sheer joy my 15 year old son emitted when we turned into the driveway and saw this whacking great big Defender with its matt black wrap and white seats. It ticks every box on the Snapchat/Insta hit list of a teenager, it turns out. Which, as far as I can tell, is anything that would look good cruising at 15mph in LA with indecent music making everyone’s ears bleed. God, I sound like my mother.

Frustrations

With that rear tyre on the tailgate of the 130 chassis, this car in insanely long. It barely fits into any parking spaces, anywhere, so you can definitely forget about trying to find a free spot on your local high street - it’s carparks only, as long as they have wide turning points. Also, some tree sap has already made a nasty mark on the matt black wrap. Damn.

Month in a nutshell

It’s going to be a lot of fun, and very expensive. We love this car, and are also embarrassed by it. We’ll see which of those wins out. Back to top

Erin says: “I’m now on ‘Hi, how are you?’ terms with the cashier in the Tunbridge Wells Sainsbury’s filling station”

How much has it cost you?

Put it this way, I’m now on ‘Hi, how are you?’ terms with the cashier in the Tunbridge Wells Sainsbury’s filling station. It’s that bad. I worked out the other day the school run is costing me £25 a day. Admittedly, I chose a school 25 miles away, so it’s a 45-minute drive across Ashdown Forest and the wilds of East Sussex, with rolling hills, constant stops for crossing sheep and pheasants and ever-changing speed limits. None of this is conducive to good fuel economy in a car that weighs a lot. And then there’s the final indignity of this month – another puncture. I am Autotrader’s puncture queen, a dubious title at best. I’ve had at least four in the past 18 months, in all sorts of cars, and now we can add a Defender to the roll of (dis)honour. At least the culprit was a massive screw and not yet another bloody pothole. Regardless, a new tyre on this beast was £265. On the other hand, my partner changed it himself. Proper man stuff, and quite impressive.

Where have you been?

Before the new term I drove down to Cornwall for our annual family holiday, with both boys and the dog on board. If that sounds like we’d have plenty of space left in a seven-seater, then you’ve never been on a self-catering holiday with me. We had a deflated paddleboard, pump and paddle, wetsuits, dog beds, boxes of tonic water, litres of gin, emergency boxes of cereal, towels, footballs, dog food and … stuff. Still, it made the journey manageable and top-box-free - a massive relief after years of arguing with the catch on ours. Even the kids noticed how chilled we all were when we arrived after a six-hour journey from Kent. The Defender cruises beautifully on the motorway, and the fridge between the front seats is a joy in hot weather on long journeys for keeping drinks and sandwiches cool. Since then my youngest has started at the new school, so I’ve been driving him there and back for the first fortnight, before I throw the school bus into the mix of long hours and major homework for the poor sod. See above for the havoc this has wreaked on my wallet.

What have you been carrying?

See above!

Delights?

The sound system is fantastic. My 15-year-old is never happier than when cruising in the Defender with some Kanye West or Blur (in retaliation for not getting Oasis tickets) thumping through the speakers, the bass buzzing through the floor. Who doesn’t love it when Kanye makes that cultural connection, undiscovered by historians until now, between Mona Lisa and Caesar? The guy’s a genius.

Frustrations?

I can’t get the natty Defender cover back on the new spare tyre on the tailgate. It’s tight, and super fiddly to do once the tyre is mounted because you’ve also got to line up two prongs on the back of the case to go through the mounted wheel. I’ve given up and now it’s half on, with the Defender badge at a wonky angle. Also, some of that nasty sap dripped off a tree on day two and onto the matt paintwork. I’ve tried getting it off and the result is now just a nasty mess, because the residual stickiness has attracted dust and dirt.

This month in a nutshell

It’s a beautiful, beautiful car inside and out and the boys and I love driving around in it. I just wish we didn’t have the V8 engine. It’s ruinously expensive to run and is a slight embarrassment, though my partner loves the noise it makes on firing up. Back to top

Erin says: “You feel like the queen of the road, sailing along in a monochrome world of white and black leather, the massive black bonnet clearing the path for you”

How much is it costing you?

Oh sooo much on the fuel. So very very much. I’ve probably explored the full power of this V8 beast twice in three months, because I can’t bear putting my right foot down and almost seeing the fuel gauge needle move in real time. But then I’m torn, because this is such a lovely car on long motorway journeys, with so much space to stretch out and relax behind the wheel. Just don’t flick the info on the screen to average fuel consumption: on a four-hour journey from Aberystwyth to Tunbridge Wells, we averaged 24mpg.

Where have you been?

As well as Wales and back, I’ve done Oxford to Kent and back twice this month for work things because, although it costs a lot in petrol, I figured I’d rather pay than take our electric car and worry about the public charging network. Admittedly, the further challenge of going to a city centre in a Defender 130 is the parking situation: the rear parking sensor does not take into account the spare wheel and its cover on the back of the tailgate, as I found out when I gently nudged a bollard with it.

What have you been carrying?

We haven’t made much use of the seven seats which is a shame because it’s when this Defender is at its swankiest, given the ability of passengers simply to step aboard and walk through he gap in the second row to the third row. I blame the children growing up – we’re never out and about as a family any more which is sad. So mainly it’s just me and the dog skidding about in the massive boot with the third row of seats down, and twice a week there’s an electric guitar too, so we put the third row back up to form a little barricade for it.

Delights?

It’s still such a beautiful car. You feel like the queen of the road, sailing along in a monochrome world of white and black leather, the massive black bonnet clearing the path for you. This month we’re loving the ClearSight ground view parking camera which in effect makes the bonnet transparent, so you can see exactly where the parking bay’s white lines are beneath you, and how much of the car is overhanging the bay. I think it’s designed primarily for off-roading, but boy it’s handy for urban parking.

Frustrations?

I get the distinct impression everyone else on the road hates us. Tunbridge Wells, like so many other prosperous towns, is full of posh schools with wealthy mums driving massive premiums SUVs without a care in the world, and assuming everyone else is going to get out of their way. The Defender 130 oozes that attitude; I want a sticker for the car that says “Despite appearances, I’m not one of them”.

This month in a nutshell

It’s oh-so beautiful, and oh-so expensive. Back to top

Erin says: “This car has the best teenage street cred of anything I’ve brought home, ever, including supercars”

How much is it costing you?

Depending on how kind Jaguar Land Rover is feeling, we could be in for a £245 bill for a new Defender-branded spare-wheel cover, because I left ours on the drive in a fit of pique to remind my partner to put it back on the new spare wheel (he kept forgetting), and he ran over it on the way back in. Which serves us both right. Well, the front wheel went half over it before I yelled at him to stop and called him every name under the sun. So it’s scuffed rather than ruined, and is back on, albeit the Defender logo is at an angle because it’s harder than it looks to line it up with its plastic pegs between the wheel pattern. So we look like idiots as well as being the best part of £250 down. And obviously we didn’t talk to each other for the rest of the day.

Where have you been?

To mid-Wales, to experience the frighteningly expensive 30-course tasting menu at Ynyshire, and back to Kent via Bristol to host a She’s Electric event. So a huge mileage this month. As per usual, motorway driving in this car is an absolute dream - so much space for passengers to stretch out in any of the seats, and a very relaxed environment for the driver, with a great view of the road ahead. But also as per usual… as you enter the city (Bristol in this case), you start fretting about finding a parking space big enough for this beast. We had to go round and round the Georgian squares of Clifton Village, hoping two cars had left together, because one standard space is not sufficient.

What have you been carrying?

We’ve finally had a couple of trips out as a blended family of six, so have used all the seats. This car looks magnificent with everyone aboard; it’s so satisfying to make best use of all the space, and our four boys all had decent leg, head and shoulder space which is a miracle - they’re now 12, 15, 16 and 18. Also, they love taking their mates in it: in matt black and w black and white leather interior, this car has the best teenage street cred of anything I’ve brought home, ever, including supercars.

Delights?

I hadn’t realised that all the passenger seats, including the third row, have the option to heat them. No wonder the kids love this car the best, because, as we move into winter, they all want warm seats (they’re not a very resilient bunch: I don’t think the Army needs to wait for their application). Plus they’ve all got cup holders and charging ports for their phones. It’s a wonder they ever bother getting out.

Frustrations?

I don’t think the rear parking sensor and rear camera are fully taking into account the spare wheel and its cover because by the time they go to a solid beep, I’m normally actually touching the object behind with the spare wheel. Although, given I’ve basically run the bloody cover over already (see above), another small nick won’t hurt…

This month in a nutshell

Glamorous, smooth, good-looking, expensive to run…and my Defender’s not bad either. No, but really… this car has many drawbacks - mainly size, weight and fuel consumption - but it’s a beautiful, beautiful thing to drive and be driven in. Back to top