Clarkson among wittiest Brits

Jeremy Clarkson has been named as one of Britain’s wittiest personalities.

The Top Gear host came fourth in a poll commissioned to mark the launch of digital TV channel Dave.

And lines that cemented Clarkson’s position in the top ten include his theory on Italian carmaker Alfa Romeo, saying: “You cannot be a true petrolhead until you’ve owned one – it’s like having really great sex that leaves you with an embarrassing itch.”

In a survey of 3,000 comedy fans, Oscar Wilde, who on his deathbed was quoted as saying: “either those curtains go or I do”, was named as the wittiest individual of all time.

Spike Milligan – who once said: “All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy” – came second. The comic’s headstone contains the immortal line: “I told you I was ill”.

And to more recent times, QI host and film star Stephen Fry, who famously quoted Wilde when checking through airport security by saying: “I have nothing to declare but my genius”, was considered the third wittiest person.

His musings on the dwindling lengths of a cliché include the line: “It is a cliché that most clichés are true, but then, like most clichés, that cliché is untrue”.

And WW2 hero Sir Winston Churchill came in at number five, thanks largely to his love of put downs. When accused by Labour MP Bessie Braddock of being drunk, he is said to have replied: “Bessie, you’re ugly. And tomorrow morning I will be sober, but you will still be ugly.”

No women made it into the top ten, but Margaret Thatcher ranked 12. The former prime minister’s comments have included: “Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.”

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