1. Rider on the storm

Modded your 306? Turbo-charged your Nova to be a bit meaty? You are nothing but an amateur.
If you want to know about real, heavy-duty modification, just ask the creator of a
seven-tonne tornado-chasing pick-up.

Film-maker Sean Casey has converted his Ford F-450 to withstand the most destructive of vortexes.

The TIV (Tornado Intercept Vehicle, above right) features armour plating, reinforced glass, a 360 degree rotating camera turret, and bolted-on doors.

In the past Casey has had to take shelter as ultra-high winds became too strong, but now he hopes to become the first person to film what actually happens inside a tornado.

But you'd feel a bit of a prat picking up a drive-through burger in it, wouldn't you? There's a time and a place.

2. The tortoise and the harepin

Fifteen-year-old Pancake (right) has become the world's first modded tortoise.

Poor old Pancake's back legs are paralysed due to a shell deformity, and vets said wheels were the answer.

"It was a lot of effort for Pancake to get around. He is now a happier tortoise - and a lot quicker." said Becky Beacher of the Noah's Ark Animal and Reptile Rescue Centre in West Sussex.

According to Becky, Pancake's tyres will need to be checked regularly, and replaced when they get worn down.

3. Clock a load of my carriage

When people retire, they might expect a gold watch, a firm handshake or a carriage clock.

London underground employee Roger Brown (left) went for the latter - minus the clock.

On retirement Brian bought three railway carriages, measuring more than150 feet long, from his former bosses and installed them in the garden of his Dorset home.

"Some people think I'm bonkers," said the 55-year-old enthusiast.

"But I love trains and it's great to have one in my own garden."

At least he'll get a seat.

4. It's more than my Wordsworth

It's bad enough to get a parking ticket, but to get bad poetry into the bargain is a bit much surely.

Council officials in Allerdale, Cumbria fined Andrew Lynch £30 fine parking his Jeep on a pavement.

Lynch tried and failed to appeal against the decision.

The response of Allerdale Council's finance director Carole Carre was to send him the following poem:

(Brace yourself, it's a long one!)   

"Park only and wholly in a clearly marked bay.
That's what the signs in the car park say.

Note 'no exemption' and just in case, as well.
They add 'improper use' as a caution. How swell!

But you parked on the kerb when you might have gone elsewhere,
And you could have let your people out to taste the Keswick air.

Thus returning to your car you find it sporting a new flag.
The parking man has been and you have been had!"

Your family's had a grand time in Cumbria's premier spot.
The guest house fold were friendly and the food was oh, tip-top.

So much to do, you must return - those Aussies want a spell,
Of staying 'mong the lakes and hills, though here they call them fells.

I hope you'll choose a Lakeland base in Allerdale next year.
It's great to visit, live and work - that's why I live here.

But when you stop please park with care, be sure you'll not get caught.
If parking's hard in Keswick, why not try Maryport."

'Inspired' by the prose Mr Lynch penned the following response:

"I failed to park in the clearly marked bay,
It was done in all innocence what more can I say.

You say 'no exemptions' unfortunately for me,
Your bog standard reply you have off to a tee.

I parked on the kerb and not elsewhere,
When I spotted your ticket I thought, 'that's not fair'.

Returning to my car it was adorned with your 'flag',
Probably issued by some grumpy old bag.

We had a great time in Cumbria's premier spot.
Will we visit again? - I think 'definitely not'

You hope we'll return to Allerdale next year.
We'd rather go south and enjoy better value I fear.

I will park with great care and make sure I'm not caught.
Never visit the Lakes, is what I've been taught.

If you're visiting Fleetwood, take care where you park,
As Traffic Wardens here get up with the lark!

When I contacted you last I requested 'common sense should prevail'
Let's hope this is the last we hear of this sorrowful tale."